Doctor Mobile's last invention
It was the final step in his invention, the phone that could call God. Thus proving the existence of God, or proving that God was just a myth like the Easter bunny or St Nicolas. The bulk of the machine was a massive tower that became the shell of his laboratory covered in the holy glyphs of all known religions placed in a massive star of David around the tower... The final step was to pick up the receiver and hear a voice on the other end.
With nervous fingers His hand picked up the phone and lifted it to his ear.
"Hello" he said nervously.
"Yeah?" he heard a voice on the other end of the phone answer, sounding slightly annoyed.
"This is Doctor Mobile, I'm with the..." Before he could finish the voice on the other end interrupted with "I know who this is, I have caller ID. What do you want Steve?"
Dr. Mobile was shocked as he stammered "I was calling to see if you exist."
"Oh... Well, I don't."
Dr. Mobile sat their stunned, "well... who am I talking to?"
"This is God, Steve... What makes you so sure you're talking to me?"
"Because... I'm talking to you?"
"Uh-huh, What makes you so sure you even exist?"
Steve didn't know how to answer, so he paused
"Think therefore I am?" God finished his quotation for him.
"You know as far as you're concerned Steven the whole world might just be a figment of your imagination, your existing, the whole thing. Just because you can control your breathing and blinking doesn't mean that it's real. So technically you might just be a thought being had by a drunk somewhere in a London bar... That is if the bar even exists."
Steve didn't know how to respond.
"All the neurons in your brain are firing all at once trying to figure out a way to explain yourself and you just don't get it do you. You scientists you're all the same, it's not real if you can't see it but you never question that which you see or feel. I was the first scientist and you were just a hypothesis. You all just swear that 'oh well evolution just disproves God, hurr' You have any idea how long it took me to come up with evolution? Huh?"
"It would have been a really long time if not for the fact that I created quantum mechanics at the same time. Seriously, your science... That's just my blueprints. I spent all this time making a universe and what do you do? You say it just showed up. That's like saying that the sounds of music are just there in front of a musician and saying that there's not such thing as a musician."
"I never thought of it like that."
"Well... I don't blame you... It's called faith for a reason."
"So you do exist?"
"Nah man... I'm just a myth. Nobody is going to believe you so here lemme give you a sign to prove to you that I don't exist. Also, call Doctor Bell already, she likes you too. And you're not going to need another lab since you're going to become a teacher. Goodbye Steven, know that I love you, even if you don't think I exist."
"What, wait, I want to ask you..."
"Heaven, Hell, other religions, the meaning of life, yadda yadda, look, don't worry about it. You wouldn't be satisfied by my answers anyway, just do your best. Also don't move for the next 47 seconds. Goodnight."
And with that a sudden rain of frogs fell on the Laboratory and caused it and the machine Steven used to talk to God to collapse all around him. In a perfect circle around his feet.
Years later when he was married and teaching at a prestigious university he had a student ask him if he believed in the existence of God.
He answered: "Do you ever wonder if you really exist?"
- (no subject)